So like this is really funny guys, so like, yesterday I accidentally ate some moldy bread and then like, had an allergic reaction, and, like, I still have red bumps on my mouth and my stomach feels like I've consumed a tube of toothpaste, l-lol.

Other stuff:
- The van is eating my soul. Check engine light came on, so I had it hooked up to the computer. Seven codes, and I'm thinking, "are you serious?" Apparently. So now it needs an O2 sensor, mass air flow sensor, knock sensor, and tune-up. Which, collectively, is a several-hundred-dollar repair. HA HA I KNOW RIGHT?
- I defeated myself in an epic battle of college sensibility. As of one o'clock today my major will officially be Music Education. Probably elementary. Maybe high school. Except, wait, I hated high school. Definitely not middle school. I really hated middle school. Yeah, probably elementary.
- I think this is hilarious because I don't even really like children. For some reason, though, I can see myself being an okay teacher. Idk. Maybe it's the lingering hope of infecting them with a healthy dose of youthful cynicism. Kinda like doing my part to keep the next generation from sucking quite so much ass.
- Metal Machine Music. (Just sayin'.)
- MEW. Dude, dude, dude.
- cmoose. Guess where you will be in less than a week. The first two guesses don't count. (Also, you were so right about Screen Vinyl Image, holy crap.)

By the way, I live in a perpetual identity crisis. What else is new?

I'm pretty sure I won't be able to concentrate on anything for the rest of the day.

clicky me

I couldn't bear to write an epic LJ post about everything that's happened in June. I'm having enough trouble writing epically about a single night. So I'm going to summarise things in a user friendly +/- format.

----- Mom was in the hospital for five days because of her gallbladder.
++++++++++ She's doing a lot better now and making progress every day.
--- Children are expensive.
+++++ I had the opportunity to spend eight glorious days with my two wonderful brothers (tell me if I start to sound insincere, because I'm being totally real).
-------- Finances aren't so hot.
++++ Looking for a second job. If anything, I've managed to squeeze out a couple of mildly interested expressions.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ELLIPSES. And, you know, seeing Sunset Rubdown live, meeting them, etc. (I didn't want to fill the whole page with "+" though I could have done so easily. Who says I have no self control?)
--------- The van's in the shop again. Caliper's stuck. So now it needs new front pads and a new caliper and the mount has to be redone. I don't even want to look at how much I've accrued in my company credit folder.
+++ My boss let me borrow his van for the night.
- It doesn't have a rear view mirror.

I think I'm going to veg out for the rest of the evening. I spent a couple of hours handing out my resume with a bright, beaming face (after staying late at the shop), so I think the best way to handle my stress right now is to completely forget about it and let myself get absorbed into Arrested Development. I'm in the middle of Season 2. It's. So. Addicting. Although I'm irritated that it presents a character who embodies everything that I loathe about people (Gob) and then has the audacity to give him a soft, mildly positive side. On the other hand, I love exactly that aspect. Clearly I'm drawn to shows which expose my emotional masochism.

ORANGE JUICE. SANDWICH. INTO MY FACE. Cleanse me, protect me, make me fat and sleepy.

ELLIPSES.

Hugs: The New Firearm

I can personally see no better way to reduce violence and stupidity in public schools, to be honest. I mean, you let kids hug each other one day, the next day the hallways will be packed with teens fornicating on lockers and freebasing cocaine in the career center.

God bless the fallen. You are remembered.

Enjoy yer beer 'n' burgers, kiddos. Today, it looks like it might rain, though. I dunno. I hope it rains. Rain is awesome.

I was in the middle of one of the best dreams ever when the phone rang. It was one of those super-vivid dreams that makes you feel amazing even as you're waking up, and the phone rang.

I've been awake for three hours now.

The proliferation and rapid recurrence of the word "Lids!" in Chris Walla's Twitter lately has led me to believe that something epic will be happening soon. Is it a warning? Is it a battle cry? Is it a summons? The suspense is killing me.

This post was brought to you by the anteater. Without the anteater, we would all be writhing in five-foot-high piles of ants that devour our flesh out of desperation and run amuck. AMUCK!

DOES SOMEONE WANT TO CO-WRITE A NOVEL WITH ME OR SOMETHING THIS SUMMER

if I get no takers then I might, I dunno, do something beneficial to the community and volunteer or whatever

orz

having free time is weird and I don't think I like it

I think Decemberists-mania has infiltrated my brain, even though I'm not seeing them this tour.

( my brain is the bermuda triangle. things that make sense disappear and never come back. )

Also bad: I woke up at 4:30 in the morning after going to bed at 1, and I couldn't get back to sleep. I don't know why. I was just really restless, I guess.

Um. 35 days?

I live like a fucking rock star.

It was humid. The sky had broken apart during the late afternoon, and the remnants of its waste was pooled in the driveway in tiny, shoe-drowning lakes. Free from the burden of my occupation and left without a mode of entertainment for the next five hours (or until I finally succumbed to slumber), I picked up the phone from its handset. Do I know any actual people? I thought, my thumb running awkwardly over buttons 1, 2, and 3. Maybe not, I told myself. You kinda have a band, though.

Immediately, my mind raced. "I need to be unnecessarily distracting to someone that happens to have finals this week," I mumbled vaguely, startling a vagrant who had taken shelter on the front porch. The vagrant belched. It was a clear sign that I was allowed to return to logarithmically stalking my peers.

I searched my electronic directory, found the number I needed, then dialed.

Nothing. Straight to voice mail.

My heart gave a shudder. (I only know this because I happened to be recording my blood pressure at the same time, and I've been known to be irregular ever since I started taking those amphetamines.) There was only one explanation for the lack of an answer on the other end of the line.

I hung up and called Amber. "Ako?"

"Yes?"

I swallowed, terrified. "Chris has been kidnapped by Kevin Barnes."

A harsh silence ensued, followed by a series of strange and unidentifiable gurgling noises, the likes of which I could not understand but were undoubtedly revealed to directly benefit our mission. "Ako, are you still there?"

Amber blew an affirmative raspberry into the telephone's receiver. "Damn right, I am. I've got the teleporters ready. Just give me the sign and I'll fire them up."

I tilted my head. My hair rustled against the phone. "Can you teleport me to where you are?" I asked breathily, ignoring the propriety of grammar altogether.

"No."

A pause. "Well, okay."



-- four months later --


"I'm here. What have you found?"

Amber stroked an imaginary goatee on her chin, then viciously ripped the head off an unroasted marshmallow Peep and consumed it, eyes and all. Wow, I sighed. Looks like it hasn't just been hard on me. "Any news?" I urged.

She folded her arms. "I think I've found him."

"Where is he?"

"No idea." She fired up the teleporters. "Step inside."


-- two years later --


"Thank God you guys found me! I thought I was doomed forever to be a noncon entry in the Gallery Piece Reality Club."

"It's good to have you back, Chris. It really is. Hey! Why do you have a beard?"

"No reason ..."

"No, really! I mean, you have a beard, and you totally didn't before."

The sky darkened. The lightning illuminated the threshold but for a few vital moments. Chris, his demeanour utterly changed, gave a single, low chuckle.

"Trust me, I had my reasons. Had a dress for every season, it was worth it."

Amber screamed.

I knew it all along.

I really wish I liked talking on the phone, because I'm in the mood to call people but I have nothing to say were more interesting.

I also kinda want to watch TV.

[/signs of the imminent apocalypse]

The best thing about having a birthday is being able to put candles on random objects or foods and declaring "This is my birthday (random object or food)!" The only problems with this strategy are:

a) it makes people angry for some reason when their stuff becomes yours without warning
b) you could burn stuff down¹
c) they haven't made a birthday candle large enough to appropriately lay claim to continents²

So far, I've had Birthday Microwaveable Pasta Primavera, a Birthday Jawbreaker, a Birthday Outdated Software Disc, some Birthday Insurance Paperwork³, and a Birthday Yoplait Yogurt.

Never been much of a cake person, anyway⁴.

¹ Also a plus, depending on how you look at it
² I stand corrected
³ This was very nearly catastrophic
⁴ There is no reason for this footnote to exist

There is no excuse for every encounter with a new machine to end in tears and heartbreak for me.

( there are a lot of words but they are all inappropriate for children. )

I HAD TO USE MY AIR CONDITIONING TODAY IN THE CAR.

>:(

now pardon me while i eat sudafed like candy.

Hey guys!

Stuff:

• California was more awesome than I could possibly hope for. Disneyland, Amoeba, pie, vodka, dancing. Oh yes. LA would be perfect for me if it weren't for the stifling hell-heat weather.
• Will be studying w/Richard Horvitz on a regular basis. His style of teaching is very in-line with the way I process things. Looking forward to the next lesson.
• Home VO studio is almost done and account is set up (for the most part) at voices.com. Found stock music. I think I know what I'll be doing this weekend.
• School and work have been keeping me busy, but there's always time to smile. :)
• Almost fainted for the first time last night! I donated blood, came home, started making a sandwich and felt this weird, oppressive nausea and pressure on my ears. Started swaying and my vision started to go. Went to lie down for a while and ended up going to bed at around nine, but I feel much better today.
• The band's website is now up! http://fractalfolk.com (Need to practise ...)
• Hazards of Love is 200% as awesome as I expected, so Pitchfork can go suck eggs because my opinion is the only one that matters.
• Late lunch again apparently, can't leave work, am beginning to eat own hand. (Which reminds me: autonecrocannibalism. See: You Had To Have Been There. Category: draconian.)
• Need to prepare piece for COSMIC audition on the 31st. After being in YYSO for three years one would think that I was used to this sort of thing by now. (Hint: Not really.)
• Design project is getting down to the wire. How difficult is it to make something that moves stuff?! (Hint: Too difficult for meeeee.)
• Speaking of projects, allotrios and I are collaborating on a character project - I get to do the voice of Livewire! (I'm unbelievably excited; she's such a cool character. It'll also be great practise. Now all I need is the script ... ;) )
• My writing has degraded to that of a slightly-more-intelligent-than-average high-schooler. I want to rectify this, but I'm a little frightened that I'm not as bothered by it as I should be.
• Swoon!

All in all, still alive. Which is awesome.

The new Swan Lake? Not impressed. "Settle on Your Skin" and "Paper Lace" were (predictably?) like, the sole redeeming songs for me (except for a tiny percentage contributed by the innate Bejarness that permeates "Heartswarm," something only I seem to be able to appreciate, and the cool symphonic finale of "Warlock Psychologist"). The rest of the album sounded kind of like an awkward jam session on D&D night, where no one can figure out who's DM-ing and everyone's dice are made out of huge, unwieldy marbles and people are leaving obscene, bright orange Cheeto-powder marks all over the manuals.

How many more months until June?

Still, there have been some releases thus far that haven't disappointed in the least. cmoose pointed me to Pure Reason Revolution's Amor Vincit Omnia, which is one of the most ass-kickingest albums I've heard thus far this year. It's definitely a "gotta drive fast" collection of decidedly beautiful industrial/progressive love. Fever Ray's solo album is awesome in that "Karin is so totally a female Panda Bear" way. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if there were fanfiction. Loving Lemonade's release - let's see, what else? Some ambient music (Hermit Thrushers, Dead Letters Spell Out Dead Words), and the beauty of Mi and L'au's self-titled - I've been so removed from the music review atmosphere lately. I haven't stopped listening to it (God help us all); I've just not written about it as much.

Oh yeah, I skipped class today so I'd have time to work on a backlog of homework. Pretty ironic, huh? I thought so.

Now I'm updating LiveJournal.

What.

Probably going to disable Twitter/LJ updates. I dunno. No one cares about that shit. I'm discovering more and more that while I might be ecstatic about some recently-birthed reject of my misdirected mind, not everyone else will be. In fact, it's rare. Waah, I'm over it.

Back to torque calculations! Pee-inducing glee!

god why did i ever bother going back to college